Sometimes certain combinations in life yield such quality products that their values far surpass the sum of their individual parts. Take for example the peanut butter and chocolate of the Recees cup. Either one in and of itself would only be of mild enjoyment (American chocolate…meh.) Whereas together forge a splendid and delicious treat.
Even closer to my heart is an aggregate I get to enjoy every day of my life. I happen to share my home with the perfect dog, a German Sheppard and Rhodesian ridgeback mix named Cordy. To promote the marketability and integrity of this breed I have come up with a cute little abbreviation much like the preceding cockapoo or spoodle; this dog is known as the Rodman. Many among you are not aware of the ecstasy of sharing your life with such a joyful being, so I would like to tell you a bit about what makes this particular breed of dog so special.
Rodmans stand about 30 inches at the shoulder and 38 inches at the head. They have a tall arched back with a strip of hair running the length giving them an appearance of an ugly stegosaurus. Their long broad tail wags with such ferocity it can be very useful in clearing a table of full beer bottles.
The first thing you will notice when entering my home is the dozens of tumbleweed like hairballs that congregate in every corner. Rodmans are well known for their ability to grow hair almost as quickly as it falls out. Did you know that these dogs can shed their body weight in hair every single week? Amazing isn't it?
Another charming feature of this breed is the dislike of using their teeth when eating. They prefer to swallow the food whole so that it gridlocks at the top of their throat causing them to yelp with the cutest whines you've ever heard. Once they dislodge the food, it comes barreling out onto the floor in a slippery pile of three pounds of dog food and two pounds of bile. They will then sniff it and walk away as this meal has been ruined for consumption by a dog as special as this.
Even though absolutely none of the food actually makes it to their stomach, they somehow manage to grow into a behemoth of a dog weighing in at well over one hundred pounds. There is also no shortage of potty breaks. They will need to go out to the yard nearly twice every hour to litter your yard with excrement. Did you know that in a single week, they can produce enough to fill a thirty gallon garbage bag? Amazing creatures they are.
Perhaps, though, the most stunning feature of this breed is its life span. Even though a dog of this size is only supposed to live for 9 years, this one has managed to survive 11. On top of that, I personally believe he will be living another five…easily.
Any takers?
